This illness, this illness that has become a part of me and my life, gives what it gives when it wants to give it. And you get nothing more and nothing less. Rheumatoid Arthritis is so sporadic, so impulsive, that one can't predict how they will feel one minute to the next, let alone one day to the next. Nothing more and nothing less. This illness is all about more and less.
More doctor visits. More sick days. More stress. More medications to try. More medications to stop. More medications to research and wonder about. More pain. More weight on my body. More weight to lose. More doctor visits. More blood drawn. More decisions to make. More prayer. More people to disappoint. More invitations to turn down. More events to miss. More pain. More advice from others. More fears of the future. More exhaustion. More tears. More uncertainty about our future. More reliance on the Lord. More prayer. More faith. More of a relationship with God!
And the less...
Less independence. Less money. Less reliability. Less patience. Less freedom. Less energy for work, my children and my husband. Less time. Less ability to focus on anything. Less support from others. Less understanding. Less working out. Less smiles. Less cleaning. Less of a friend, a sister, and a teacher. Less pain-free days. Less movement. Less hope for getting better. Less walking. Less of a wife. Less of a mom. Less sweating the small stuff. Less concern over my vanity. Less control. Less predictability. Less of me.
This is my life. This is the new me. This is Rheumatoid Arthritis...more or less!
Many blessings for Sunny days ahead!!
Reading everything that you have written is like reading the story of my life. I am going to make the ones who say I am not sick, I dont look sick and I am lazy read this. I look forward to more reading and advice.
ReplyDeleteIt's so true.. This is the real RA..
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely...share away!!
ReplyDeleteSo very true. I relate to every word.
ReplyDeleteYou are not less! Not less of a sister, friend, or teacher. It is different, yes, but not less. My mom didn't become less of a mom to me when she was diagnosed, and I am sure you're not either. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks...It's a "feeling" I have. A feeling of being less of what I use to be...being able to do less of the things as a mom I used to, as a teacher I used to, etc... :( My perception of it... Thanks Liz!
ReplyDeleteWe all have a rude awakening when it comes to being diagnosed with RA. For the most part people don't know the full extent of what RA does to a person's body. So most people go searching the internet. Life as you knew it is over. Everyday we face something new. Medications that previously worked, suddenly stop. The new miracle drugs called Biologics are not what we see on TV. You get your hopes up only to be let down again, unless you are one of the lucky ones that the medication does work for you. I unfortunatly have been one of those that the new TNF's have not worked. Now on Actemra, which is an IL-6 med. works differently than the TNF's. Now after almost 8 months seems to be less effective for me. It's always something when you have RA--you can't plan things out. You can't respond to quickly to an RSVP due to the fact you don't know how you are going to feel. Add Fibromyalgia on top of RA and you have not only fatigue and joint pain and just plain ole sickly feeling but you can add muscle pain and twice as much fatigue.
ReplyDeleteThat's my rant. Sorry every now and then you just got to let it out!!!