It's been a while. It's been a LONG while, I know. I think I have had a bad case of writer's block. Ok, maybe it was the fact that my Sunny disposition was NOT so sunny and I had absolutely nothing inspiring to say. The end of the school year for me was one of the hardest times I have had to endure in a long time. It was the most difficult time I have had to endure with my illness to date. I was full of false hope from my doctor telling me that my Humira injections were going to make me feel so much better (not to mention the wonderful commercials I have seen for it). I was exhausted, not tired, a never ending exhausted...a to-the-bone exhausted that stripped me of my ability to think, speak, and even care about what was going on around me. With that, my rheumy told me to just drink more coffee...lol. I was in pain, in constant inflammation, and feeling very certain that I wasn't going to make it to the end of the year. I had to keep telling myself, "just a few more weeks"...then, "just X amount of days"...finally resorting to, I will try to make it through this next hour. I pushed myself and pushed myself, and for what? A paycheck... We are so worried about money, that my mental, physical and emotional health was pushed to the brink.
On top of all of this, had been a progressing stomach issue that continued to get shrugged off. It started around February, and when I first brought it up to my rheumy, she said it was common and to make sure I continued my folic acid. I told her I was taking Pepcid daily and it wasn't helping. By April, my last appointment with her before her maternity leave, I let her know that my stomach was better (neither was my RA for that matter), and that I was having trouble eating. I told her I was chewing Gaviscon throughout the day, which really wasn't helping. And, I told her again about my exhaustion and my inability to mentally function during the day. Drink more coffee!! Oh, ok...Kids, yes you--put down your calculators, we are running to Starbucks. I am sure no one will mind! Oh wait, I can't do that...the coffee is making me sick. Duh! And, I don't think I sneak 30 5th grade students out to Starbucks on a daily basis!
By May, I was happy if I ate the equivalent of 1 meal a day. I was just sick to my stomach, food went right through me, and I gagged and gagged- a lot! With my rheumy on maternity leave, I thought I would hold out until my appointment with the other Rheumy in her practice in June. Oh but wait, he decided to quit before my appointment!
Summer is usually a relaxing, regenerating, and recuperating time for me. However, not this time. I spent most of June and July flaring up and very sick. My voice is strained making it difficult to talk and I have a difficult time swallowing without gagging. So, my husband decided enough was enough and sent me to his PCP...who in turn, sent me straight to a Gastroenterologist, who in turn ordered an Endoscopy to be done. The procedure, along with the biopsy and esophagus dilation, was done this past Friday as I await the results. My theory, and my hope, is that it is the methotrexate and nothing worse.
Summer is pretty much over for me, with having to go back to work tomorrow to start setting up my classroom, and officially reporting for duty next Monday. My RA is not under control, I am still tired (even on summer break), and I am still sick. The sunny side has got to be in there somewhere...right? Oh yeah, at least I am bringing home that paycheck! :) (Insert sinister giggle here)...
The sun IS there, even if you can't see it behind the clouds...
